Happy Friday, happy September, happy impending fall weather — we’re back with more Hot Bones after a delightful August hiatus. Missed everyone though.

In my mind, we’re officially in autumn territory since it’s past Sep 1. However, G believes fall only starts once they start selling mums at Wegmans, and the equinox (when there’s equal amounts of daylight and darkness) isn’t until Sep 22. Help settle the debate.

See what everyone else said by casting your vote.

I should have mentioned there’s also a secret final answer: The season begins to change when the US Open starts up and everyone can’t stop talking about tennis and $23 Honey Deuce drinks. More on that next.

G and I moved to Charlottesville last year because we were ready to get out of DC life, but every so often work or family draw us back to big cities. This past weekend, we went to New York to visit my niece for the first time ever, as well as to spend a day at the US Open. In that order of importance. Of course, in that order of importance. Yes.

It was a great trip but not without its trouble spots. Mainly: just getting anywhere as a couple.

I met G at a restaurant on Friday evening after my flight got in, where we finished up drinks with a good friend before heading over to see that brand-new niece.

We made it 20 feet.

“Oh my god, G watch out,” I yelled, before launching myself around a vague, evil heap of trash in the middle of the sidewalk.

Before I could turn around to properly warn her, I saw in front of me a half dozen fecal remnants that could only have been produced by some sort of lab x bison mix. All were scattered at irregular intervals for my maximum foot coordination.

“Oh god no” I said, hopscotching to the corner and trying to hold in my vomit. “It’s not safe here!” I told the people of Manhattan.

And then to complete my initiation into the city, a grisled purple latex glove, inverted up to the knuckles, lay at my feet. It was inches from my still pristine, Charlottesville-only-trod sneakers.

Breathing hard one long jump later, I turned around to inspect the calamity my wife was now facing.

Life was normal.

G sidestepped a single millimeter to avoid the trash left by Satan and then floated over the dog items. She didn’t break stride, nor did the 10 or so other people walking beside us, when they reached the mystery glove. In the most respectful way possible, no one gave a fuck.

“What were you yelling up ahead?” she asked as she reached me.

“The trash,” I panted. “So much trash. I wasn’t expecting it so soon.”

My pupils dilated. “So much LDI.”

[Otherwise known as Loose Dirty Items, such as tattered used napkins, the aforementioned single latex gloves, and objects beyond recognition that may or may not have once been diapers, banana peels, or Burger King Whopper meals. Kryptonite to any germaphobe.]

“No big deal, remember. Just like all the other visits. You got this.”

Translation: This is New York, babe. Welcome back to trash island.

We did finally make it to my brother and sister-in-law’s apartment to see their little girl, so the walk was definitely worth it. But it was merely the set piece for a long weekend spent navigating one of life’s greatest conundrums: how to walk alongside your significant other without considering a trial separation.

This is because odds are, you’re partnered up with someone who is either a Walk Optimizer or a Gaggler. If you’re not instantly sure which your partner is, take them to the nearest grocery store and see if their head explodes when they get stuck behind someone trying to find where the marjoram is.

The Optimizer is always speed walking around families with strollers in order to, above all else, get to their destination as soon as possible. These people will always beat the Google Maps time estimate.

The Gaggler really wishes optimizers would chill out. They’re happy to change pace when someone steps in front of them, and they’re likely to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to inspect a fallen leaf or to check their phone. They are always late unless you put them in a car and drive them somewhere yourself.

As we know, I’m naturally a Gaggler and G is an Optimizer, which even at home means we spend an inordinate amount of relationship time and energy waiting or running to catch up. Things are made more acute in NYC.

The block between Jackson Square and 7th Ave was the only time on the whole trip when I waited for G. From then on, she would pause at every corner, forehead veins beginning to bulge, and watch me parkour my way down the sidewalk to avoid all traces of suspicious floor activity.

And yet!

We walked all over, for free, for days, no cars needed. To the river, to SweetGreen on multiple occasions, up and down the High Line, to dinners and lunches, to all sorts of expensive stylish shops, to get Van Leeuwen vegan ice cream, to find a bar where we could watch the US Open.

And then at the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center itself, to watch a whole day's worth of tennis.

The first reason is that it’s been a while since the last HB edition and I’m rusty. And also because I love this idea that you can live a happy sustainable life just by existing in a specific place. Even if you have to hop over trash seep and endure the huffs of your tolerant spouse.

Just how healthy and planet-friendly is living in a walkable city? Well, I woke up with a Charley horse at 4am on Saturday from all the walking we’d done. And as for the greenness of it all, important (although a little dated) studies show that a walkable environment reduces a person’s greenhouse gas emissions by 4 tons a year compared to living in an automobile-dependent suburb.

Never do math in public, but 4 tons of GHG emissions is (very) roughly the same emission footprint of eating 234 steaks every year. So you could live in NYC and eat at Peter Luger every other day and still break even, climate emissions wise, with a vegan hippiedoodle living in drive-everywhere LA. You’d also probably be broke and have terrible heartburn.

I’m happy to report that during our NYC trip I ordered tofu one night and walked back to the hotel instead of taking an Uber, so I may have just solved our climate problem.

Poor G. She thought that a pristine tennis center would mean we could finally walk side-by-side and get to matches on time. Unfortunately, our day at the US Open was chock full of other tennis fans, all eager to meander around the grounds, stand in large impenetrable groups beside the restaurant stalls, and stop in the middle of main thoroughfares to take selfies. Gagglers, assemble!

Thankfully, the US Open’s signature overpriced Honey Deuce cocktails provide an excellent opportunity to sit back, relax, and get a little tipsy watching Taylor Townsend play great tennis but lose 8 (e.i.g.h.t.) match points. And while we were settling into the swing of things, we were unknowingly part of some great climate solutions:

To repeat, I played no part in any of this. In fact, I didn’t even buy the tickets - G did months ago. But we both were pleased participants in these solutions.

When I chatted with the US Open’s sustainability lead for a profile piece for The Cool Down (see here), I was delighted to hear that even our $23 Honey Deuces were part of the action.

“You’ll see a mountain of Grey Goose bottles going out for glass recycling,” Bina Indelicato told me. “I see tons of that, which is crazy. It’s equivalent to like 70,000 glass bottles that are recycled during the event here.” She even sent me a photo of the bins.

There are a lot of ways to live sustainably in Charlottesville — use the e-bike library, garden with Cultivate Charlottesville, eat amazing plant-based food at Botanical, get discounts on high-efficiency appliances from the local gov — but if you live in a big, walkable city like NYC (with tons of mass transit options to boot), consider yourself ahead of the curve. You can probably enjoy a steak to celebrate.

Of course, I think the best situation of all is to be my new niece: born in a walkable city but without having to do any walking — just living life in the sweet cocoon of a US Open hoodie and a stroller 24 inches removed from any Loose Dirty Items.

When the weather gets just cool enough to have dinner parties outside again.

Thanks to Cou Cou Rachou for the bday tart (send them an email at [email protected] to request one for your next party).

^ I always find referral systems to be weirdly confusing. To participate and earn rewards, copy the URL above (this is unique to your email address) and then paste it in a text or email to a friend.

When they sign up, you get the referral point. Case closed.

🍅 Meal of the week: The annual Gazpacho in the Garden is this Saturday from 5-8pm. Enjoy a late-summer meal harvested right from the Morven Sustainability Lab’s kitchen garden. (Tickets are $10, BYO picnic blankets and chairs.)

🎾 Basically the US Open: The 4 courts at Tonsler Park are updated and ready for action, be it tennis or … pickleball. Either way, hope you like lime green.

🏳️‍🌈 Cville Pride is this Saturday afternoon: More info here, and don’t forget the disco afterparty.

🐶 Pet of the week: Slushy! This is surely the reincarnation of Dug from Pixar’s Up. Say no more than easygoing companion (3 year-old male hound, 50 lbs).

🛶 If the deal is good enough, you’re basically saving money: Rivanna River Co is selling off boats, SUPs, and other water equipment next Saturday, Sep 13. By my math, some kayaks are over 50% off.

🍻 Virginia’s finest OktoberForest: Local VA brewers teamed up with The Nature Conservancy to create new beers with local ingredients like longleaf pine needles from the Piney Grove Preserve in Sussex County. This Sunday afternoon at Fine Creek Brewing.

👗 Thanks, it has pockets: Vintage pop-up shop at Ethos Wine & Tea this Saturday, 12-4pm. Stick around for a Thai tea cupcake.

💼 Job of the week: Annual Giving Coordinator at SELC ($59k – $69k, based in Cville or other office locations throughout the south)

🤓 Bonus: Sustainability communications internship at UVA’s Office for Sustainability (6-10 hours/week, deadline is Sept 14)

Have an event or rec you’d like to share? Hiring? Interested in advertising?

Share any and all info here.