Happy Friday, we’re almost there — today’s the last Hot Bones of the year and check out this Princess Diaries layout glowup. I was really riding high sending out test emails on Saturday afternoon, until G looked over at me and said, “You know, George Mason has that exact color scheme.”

If you’ve got any tactical suggestions on how to make this look less like GMU’s newest sustainability newsletter, hit reply (but please be nice).

Onward. Last week was all about how bar shampoo might be the last-minute holiday gift you’ve been holding out for. This week is about what to do when we all start circling back after the holidays.

Five years ago, I was in a rush to move to Alexandria, VA for a job after living abroad, and I made the massive tactical error of viewing the showcase apartment and not my actual apartment. It was a new building and my unit wasn’t ready for some reason. But I figured that since it was the same box just two floors up from this very nice showcase unit, there wouldn’t be an issue.

The other tactical error I made was not looking at the apartment building on google maps before signing the lease.

When I moved in a few weeks later, I dumped my bags and books at the door and went to look at the view. This is when I discovered I was now living across from the city jail. 

I wish I had the texts I sent to G (we’d only been dating a year or so), but it went something like “will you still visit me in prison” with a picture of the brick wall with slit windows that I would now look at every morning and night.

Later that day, when I actually did look on google maps to check out the neighborhood, I realized I was wrong again. That was a sewage treatment facility out my window. The detention center was on the other side of the building.

As you might imagine, there are many downsides to living next to both of these establishments. For example, Paul Manafort is your new neighbor, and on windy days you better close the windows fast before the eau de marsh settles into your furniture.

But there were also a few upsides. Definitely a few at least, but the only one that comes to mind is that my building was the sole place inside the Beltway where you could walk out the front door on January 1, chuck your Christmas tree into an unmonitored wastewater ditch, and then walk to Whole Foods for sushi.

I’m not saying this is the best way to dispose of your Christmas tree (“breaking: area residents report pine needles emerging from their faucets”), but it certainly was the most satisfying.

Since there won’t be another Hot Bones until early January, I figured now was the best time to present a few sustainable (less illegal) ways to recycle your Christmas tree.

So Americans buy around 25-30 million live (aka not plastic) Christmas trees every year. And while my personal goal once the holidays are over is to get the tree out of the house without leaving a slug trail of pine needles, the overall bigger goal is to keep those trees out of landfills. (That’s where they end up rotting and releasing methane, a super potent greenhouse gas.) 

The good thing about live trees is that, rather than plastic, they’re biodegradable, so we can give them a great second life. Here are 3 excellent options.

There are over 4,000 local recycling programs around the US that do cool stuff with these old Xmas trees. Boston’s curbside program turns them into compost that community gardens can pick up for free, NYC has Mulchfest that starts as early as Boxing Day, and Nashville has its own mulching program that lasts until Valentine's Day.

The key here is that these programs are reusing the trees in some way, not picking them up at your curb and dumping them in a landfill.

And it turns out that, through my totally objective journalistic reportage, Charlottesville has the best program of all. The city offers curbside pickup and the surrounding Albemarle County offers dropoff locations for your tree, where they’re then mulched and offered to the public for free.

The program has been going strong since the 80s, and it typically collects over 2,000 trees every year. That translates to about 11 dump truck’s worth of mulch. Rumor has it the mulching at Darden Towe Park smells incredible.

A few things to remember: 

When I talked with Cville’s public service manager in charge of the program, he reiterated that the mulch goes quickly. So hop to, yall. 

Full details here. 

Cut off those branches and lay them down over your garden beds to act as another layer of protection against the elements. They’re great to put over bulbs, perennials, or even your compost pile if you’ve got one.

And if you have a big enough property (or you live near a sewage treatment wastewater ravine), you can also start a brush pile with the whole tree (or big sections) that will be great as a wildlife habitat for songbirds, rabbits, and dear god run, snakes. If you have a pond then boy are your fish going to be happy. 

This one is way beyond my crafting abilities. Something about putting the boughs in airtight jars and adding vinegar and vodka at the end. Let me know if you’ve done this one? I’ll give you the mic next edition. 

But like, not near other people or houses or even in your fireplace (too much creosote). And not at a national forest. What I’m saying is that every January, Visible Records (the artist-run gallery and studio in Woolen Mills) hosts a Christmas tree bonfire.

Bring a tree, watch the flames, eat a hot dog.