Happy Friday — we’re back with more Hot Bones and a small announcement: I’ll be pretending to be French and taking the month of August off from this newsletter in order to go to the beach, finally read a book, play some tennis, and ideally a bit of je ne sais quoi. 

This is the last edition until September rolls around, so thanks as always for reading and sharing!

Recently, G gifted me a coupon for my Nobel prize-winning behavior of taking care of our puppy while she was in Nantucket earlier this summer: I got a full weekend away with no dog responsibilities, to use whenever I wanted.

Unfortunately that meant she now had to take care of Frances, so I was kind of on my own for ideas of what to do.

A large part of my brainstorming was just envisioning playing tennis for three days straight, possibly with the bonus of laying by a pool like a banana slug. I would get so tan. And in many ways I wish I had done that.

Instead, a recent conversation with friend and former national park superintendent Jim Northup galvanized me to do something more adventurous and outdoorsy: bike the length of Skyline Drive.

It’s 105 miles of beautifully curved roads that cut through the spine of Shenandoah National Park, and from a map that you’d look at while you sit on the couch, the hills don’t look too bad. Plus, splitting it up in two days should solve any mileage concerns, I told myself from that delicious soft couch.

The trip started off fine. I met Lori, the ranger on duty at the southern entrance station, and we chatted about summer visitor numbers, bear sightings, and where in the hell I had left my annual park pass (on the foyer table at home, so I wouldn’t miss it).

“Do you have enough water?” Lori asked as I stuffed the 7-day park pass receipt into my bag.

“Hope so! It’s what’s making this bike so heavy.”

This was in some ways a lie. I did bring enough water, but what was actually making my bike so heavy was the fact that I had not been biking since May, and I had not biked more than 20 miles since two Mays ago.

“I gotta stop picking activities I did in my twenties,” I told myself as I clicked into ever easier gears and the trip got going.

Skyline Drive is a 25-minute commute from my house in Charlottesville, and yet I’d never been on this section of the road. What a whiff! This place is spectacular.

I tried to remind myself of all these things as I passed mile marker 104, 103, and 102. By marker 99, though, I was regretting not bringing more snacks. And by marker 97, I was thinking about how much dumb extra stuff I’d brought with me, weighing me down. I stopped and drank a lot of water, which helped a bit. I got to about mile marker 85 this way, and then to marker 70 by listening to all the 90s pop songs Spotify could muster.

Then it started pouring rain and I went into a deep fugue state for 20 miles.

I should have just played tennis on my stupid day off.

Once it started to get dark, my few remaining brain cells realized it’d probably be prudent to call G and tell her I was presently alive.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Can’t. Talk.”

“You called me?”

“Sorry. Pain. So much pain.”

“Where are you? What’s going on.”

“On Skyline. About 50 miles in. It’s raining like crazy and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I can do this. And I can’t remember if Skyland is at mile 60 or 65.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?”

“No.”

….

“Yes. No. No. Yes. No.”

“Final answer?”

“No. I’ll try to keep going.”

“Just gotta get to Skyland.”

“The highest point in the park.”

“You got this. Keep calling me as you go along.”

“Ok.”

….

…. whimpering

“Honey, you have to hang up, I’m driving.”

“Oh shoot. Also that wasn’t whimpering, just so you know.”

“Yeah totally. I didn’t think so.”

…. whimpering, dial tone, cut to black.

The one benefit of biking 65 miles with no training — where on multiple occasions I considered just lying down in a ditch and waiting for a ranger to find me — is that when you make it to past-its-prime Skyland Resort, it is a palace.

There’s a big wooden and stone lodge perched three thousand feet above the valley, with accompanying cabins and motel-style buildings nearby. The sidewalks have artistic bear prints embedded in them.

The internet reviews are pretty harsh about Skyland (bugs, overpriced, more bugs), but there was plenty of space to store my wet bike, the sheets and towels felt crisp and clean, and I had infinite hot water for a good long shower.

Later, I went for a solo dinner in the dining hall, but not before buying up every petroleum-based candy and confection available at the Skyland gift shop. Thousands of calories went into the bag, and I was so hungry that while I waited for my meal, I cracked into the Chex Mix. When biking, one must feed the river monster.

The waitress didn’t bat an eye – clearly I wasn’t the first bonked biker she’d seen limp through.

One hot thick meal, and straight to bed.

Day 2 was sponsored by Mars Inc., Kellogg's, General Mills, and PepsiCo. I was determined not to quit now that I only had 41.7 miles to the northern entrance station, and sugar was my way there. Gummy rings, cure the bonk please.

Advil also made this a much easier day.

Thankfully, this section has a lot less elevation gain too. I ran through the Stereophonics soundtrack twice, then rolled into Amy Poehler's new podcast (the one with Kathryn Hahn is a highlight) to distract me for the few big climbs.

Of course, I was hoping a black bear or two would also distract me from the actual biking part, but I only saw B Team wildlife this trip: a few dead snakes in the road and lots of deer on the margin. Plenty of motorcyclists today too.

And then, somehow, it was almost over. I reached the final 6 miles, which I’d been told were a highlight. This was true: It’s a glorious, don’t-pedal-one-stroke coast, with the Shenandoah River curling two thousand feet below you, one thousand feet, 500 feet, at your feet.

And there you have it: A neat and tidy little point-to-point adventure, with no emergencies and only one tearful phone call, all fueled by imperishable Pop Tarts and orange Gatorade.

I’m getting there, I’m getting there.

It was a good trip, maybe more enjoyable now because my knees have recovered and all I remember are the nice views and wispy descents.

But then this week I read the Times piece about Trump ordering park employees to help bowdlerize national history, science, and culture.

After going around the house and screaming into every single throw pillow, I scrapped my original framing for this post and decided to:

Also, quick lectern moment: So much about living a sustainable lifestyle is awareness — seeing how much energy you use and from what appliances, knowing which foods to prioritize and which to avoid, understanding where to get the best deals without markups or microplastics, blah blah blah.

Knowing a bit about your nearest national park feels in that vein, too.

So here are a few Trivial Pursuit-style facts about Shenandoah National Park:

🔵 Geography: Plenty of woods in this here park. But the Big Meadows area is a unique high-elevation meadow that’s great for stargazing, blueberry picking, and wildlife watching. Way back when, Native Americans used it as a hunting ground — and skipping ahead a few hundred years, it’s also where President Roosevelt officially dedicated Shenandoah as a national park in 1936. Now, there’s a gas station here and a place to get snacks.

🩷 Entertainment: Besides talking about boots and tent straps with anyone hiking the Appalachian Trail through the park, you can also find exquisite entertainment with the Shenandoah Valley Cloggers — a nonprofit org dedicated to the preservation of Appalachian clogging — this August 5 at the Skyland Taproom.

🟤 Arts & Lit: If anyone can make talking about nature and hiking interesting and funny, it’s Bill Bryson’s classic A Walk in the Woods. The section on the Shenandoah part of the AT is an oldy but a goody.

💛 History: I’ll leave most of this section to your dad or anyone else who gravitates to hardcover nonfiction, but real quick, Skyline Drive was basically built by the Civilian Conservation Corps during the Great Depression and a lot of the land used to form Shenandoah was formerly private property (meaning much displacement). Plus, if you’re looking for a nice little park anecdote, check out George Freeman Pollock and his bugle alarm clock.

🟠 Sports & Leisure: Highly recommend the leisure part of this, and not the sport part if you’re thinking about biking. If you choose the latter, this is a helpful site.

💚 Science & Nature: Just one thing to say here and that’s the Shenandoah Salamander — an endangered species found only in this park. It has huge eyes and breathes through its skin.

So much more info out there. If you have good facts or anecdotes, please hit reply to share!

Mental and physical state the week before you go away on vacation. August, here we come!

🍎 Meal of the week: Rainbow smoothie with mixed berries, avocado, and spinach from the new Kindness Cafe location on Rugby Road.

🦦 RROMP, there it is: Turns out our watershed has adorable, cuddly, hand-holding river otters. The Rivanna Conservation Alliance just started a new otter monitoring project, and you can add your sightings here.

⚡ The utility tea: How much are your neighbors paying on their monthly electric bill?

🐶 Pet of the week: Molly! Who says dogs can’t contain multitudes? Here’s your girl who’s half couch cuddler, half party pup (lab x coonhound, 1 year, 53 lbs).

🍷 Virginia summer wine party: Get your natural wine fix this Sunday, July 27 from 1-3pm at Domestique’s DC headquarters.

🍻 More drinks, y’all pace yourselves: The next Cville Green Drinks meetup is Wed, Aug 13 starting at 5:30pm. Special guest: ReLeaf, the nonprofit planting and protecting trees around Cville and educating future environmental leaders in the process.

💼 Remote job of the week: Senior Manager of Creative at Flashfood, the grocery deals + food waste prevention app (no salary listed).

💼 Remote job, part 2: Chief Development Officer at Protect Our Winters ($160k - $180k).